As I sit here back in California after only a week of being gone, my mind races through thoughts. I reflect on what the past days have held...and I cannot help but wonder what plans God has from all of this. In the past 7 days, I have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The excitement of beginning a year of travel quickly turned into deep grief at the unexpected loss of Alyssa's mom. So we are here. Back to the area we called home. The area we didn't expect to return to until December.
But God's plans often do not match our own.
From the beginning of planning this trip, I knew the theme of the trip would be Faith, Trust, and Obedience. At the time I did not know the cost those words would take, but do we ever? God calls us to trust Him, no matter what comes our way. So here we are, broken yet trusting.
The past two days were spent driving through the beautiful state of Utah. The views were breathtaking! Seeing the beauty around us was soothing to our grieving souls. We saw beautiful rocks and canyons and experienced the beauty of Zion National Park. It was a precious few days of traveling...and remembering the passion and vision behind the trip, even in the midst of our sadness.
It was also a time to reflect. Music and stories that had seemed so critical on the drive only days before remained off for most of the time. We often sat driving in silence, lost in our own worlds. But we also remembered. Remembered who Alyssa's mom was and the miracles of healing and transformation God had done in her life. We remembered the dreams of the future that will not happen on this earth. And we remembered the love she had for both of us.
Then we dreamed. Dreamed of Heaven and the life her mom is now living. We dreamed of the day when it will be our turn to join her there.
Is this how I wanted her story to end? No. No I didn't want her to die suddenly in the ICU. But I am thankful to know that she now lives pain free in a Place of Glory in the presence of the Lord that we both loved.
I also trust that God knows the timing of everything. His plan for the next year has not yet been made clear to us, but my prayer continues to be that God will use us for His glory. We are broken vessels, but we are willing to listen and obey. And that is all that is asked for us.
Do I know the plan for the next year? Nope. Do I know the plan for the next month? Nope. Do I know the plan for the next week? Not really. Do I know Who will reveal the plans for the next week, month, and year? YES.
So even as I sit here, back in California, in a situation I never wanted, I know that the story is not over yet. Alyssa's mom loved my writing. She followed the blog closely. So I will continue to write. I will continue to share. I will continue to follow the Lord. It is certainly what she would've wanted.
In the end, our job is to trust God who is faithful and good.
So we will.
"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." Job 13:15
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