When Alyssa and I set out on this journey that we have called the Road Trip, we wanted to be open to God's guiding whatever that might look like. Never in a million years would I have guessed that planning a funeral would be what we would need to do. But that's where our lives led us.
When Alyssa's mom first died, we were understandably shocked and grief struck. (Ok, we are in a lot of ways still shocked and grieving, but it was overwhelming at beginning.) In those first hours and days, I also wrestled with anger. Anger that the trip had to re-route. Anger that we had to 'stop' our trip for a time. Anger that we had to return to California.
As I wrestled this through with God, I came to realize something that entirely changed my view on those two weeks. The trip was not stopping; it simply was taking us to a different place. Our hearts to serve were not being ignored, but rather refined.
So. We embraced the planning of the funeral as a way we could serve. Not in the way we would have wanted, but in an unexpected and raw way that changed us forever. We were able to help her dad and brother with planning as well as to serve our God by creating a service that glorified Him and honored Anita's memory. In the midst of it all, our hearts began to understand more how to have empathy for those who are suffering heart break. We were being refined to be more Christ-like, even as we figured out a slideshow and flowers for a memorial service.
During this time we also were served by many people around who showed us by example how needed the body of Christ is:
People at church came up to us and expressed their condolences. Being acknowledged made us feel less alone.
Our pastor took us aside that first Sunday to make sure he got to hear about what had happened and how we were doing. He poured himself into making sure we had the right connections to help us with planning as well as providing an amazing message of hope during the service. Again, we felt acknowledged and seen. (He is the same pastor who prayed over us during the church commissioning written about in a previous post.)
The worship leaders who I also mentioned in the Church Commissioning post blessed us so much. They not only did an incredible job leading songs for the service, but they also spent time listening to us after a church service. They showed such grace, love, and support that will never be forgotten.
Another huge way we were blessed was by Alyssa's mom's friends who stepped up to help in various ways including organizing the reception, giving us photos for the slideshow, and buying a basket for the remembrance candles. Without them helping in these ways, the burden would have been much heavier.
One of our friends drove from another state to show us support. If you have ever doubted how much having your presence somewhere can mean to someone, doubt no longer! It meant so much to have her with us. The night of the funeral would have been so much harder without her. (Bonus: she paid for our meals!)
Our other local friends gave us their presence too. They came to the funeral. And then two of them met us for lunch later that week and another one cooked us a dinner. Those simple offers of time together meant so much during a time of pain and sorrow.
Of course there were those who continually checked up on us via text. Each of those texts helped us get through and reminded us of God's love and hope in the midst of sorrow. My mom also stepped up with the texts and calls which was a blessing to both of us. A simple text can mean the world to someone.
Oh! And there was the amazing couple who opened up their home to us for TWO WEEKS with very last minute notice! They did so graciously and with many smiles. They included us in a game night, multiple walks, many talks, and a movie. It was wonderful to have a home base in the midst of chaos.
Our acupuncturist and chiropractor showed such compassion when we entered there office much sooner than anticipated. They stood and listened to the story and offered what comfort they could. In the midst of grief, they used their compassion and medical skills to help us cope with our grief.
I'm sure I have missed people! The point is we were abundantly blessed.
So in the midst of it all, not only did we have unexpected opportunities to serve, but also unexpected opportunities to deepen relationships.
We also spent precious time with Alyssa's brother and dad. They completely welcomed me in as a part of the family. We grieved together. We laughed together. We remembered together. None of these times would have happened without coming back for the memorial service. It was unexpected time to make memories.
Our trip didn't stop for two weeks, it simply took a different form with many unexpected opportunities to treasure, grow, feel loved, and serve.
